All apartment buildings offer some amenities. If not, apartment living would be like a prison sentence (although prisoners have a yard to workout, plus a cafeteria, so I guess prisons have amenities too). And because more and more people are living in apartments nowadays, developers have started adding all sorts of cool amenities to their buildings. Then other buildings add these same amenities to compete with them, and soon these features become pretty standard.

But, as our moms always asked us, if everyone was jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you jump as well?

Just because something is “cool” doesn’t always make it a great idea. (Like when I was in junior high and dyed a bright red streak in my blonde hair using Kool Aid to get the cute skater guy to notice me. He didn’t. And Kool Aid doesn’t wash out.) Some amenities might seem like a “must have” for renters, but they might actually be, at best, a “nice to have,” and at worst, a “never use.”

Here are five amenities that developers might be able to save money and space on by avoiding.

5 Amenities That Probably Aren’t Worth the Investment

Screening room. It seems like the amenity du jour. Everyone boasts having these in their apartment buildings. And, yes, in theory, it would be awesome to be able to watch Titanic on a big screen without having to shell out $18 to see it in 3-D in the theaters. But is it really worth it to leave your cozy apartment, where you can ogle Leo in private? When I was recently looking at new apartments with my husband, who is a law student, our broker showed us a screening room in a luxury building. She told him that it would be a great place for him to study if he didn’t feel like schlepping to his school’s library. Then she winked conspiratorially at him. Enough said. (Though this might be an awesome amenity in student housing, because then college students might actually socialize together outside of their rooms. Although they’d probably just end up making out on the big, comfy screening room chairs. Kids today have no appreciation for Leonardo DiCaprio.)

Meh.

Billiards table. Again, awesome in theory. But how often do you feel the need to play pool? And if you had a billiards table in an apartment building, would you make people sign out the balls and cues and chalk dealies like in a real pool hall? If you did, it would make it cumbersome to play. But if not, what’s to stop balls from magically disappearing or residents from having light saber battles with the cues, which not only could poke an eye out, but causes a lot of wear and tear? Plus, apartment pool is missing the one key element that makes playing fun at a pool hall: beer. Having a billiards table definitely will not be what makes or breaks someone’s decision about moving to your apartment.

WiFi lounge/conference room. Back when cellphones looked like bricks (and only people like Zack Morris carried them), sure, having a computer center/business zone was a great idea. Now most people can access the Internet on their cellphones, iPad, laptops, Kindles… Plus, most people have their own computers in their apartments, and would much rather look up things in private. Not that we’d judge, of course.

Rooftop access…with nothing there. I once lived in an apartment building that had rooftop access, and there were plenty of tables and lounge chairs out there, plus beautiful flowers. I’d go up with friends to relax with a glass of wine. On the 4th of July, people would barbeque up there and watch the fireworks. It was awesome. My current apartment advertised rooftop access as one of their amenities. All that is up there is tar. And I’m pretty sure if I went up there and the door closed behind me, I’d be trapped like that dude from The Hangover. That is not rooftop access. OK, technically, it is, I guess. There is access to a rooftop. But it’s not an amenity. Same goes for “patio space” with one folding chair, or a “backyard” that contains just a square foot of grass. And, OK, this category really isn’t an amenity you “invest in.” You either have it or you don’t. Just don’t bother advertising or showing people who tour the building if your rooftop access or patio isn’t really an amenity. It’ll just turn them off.

A “gym.” Let me clarify. If your building has a gym that has plenty of treadmills, ellipticals, weights, etc., then great. Even if you charge extra for that, residents will like to have the convenience of being able to workout without leaving the building. But if you just have one treadmill, and one set of barbells, in a room with no windows, you might as well not bother. It’s not really a gym. No one will ever be able to workout because the one machine will always be busy. Plus it’s creepy there. Go big, or go home.

Do you agree? What other amenities can be added to the list?

-Jessica Fiur, News Editor

Photo credit: Iurii Osadchi

Apartments usually come with some amenities included. Like a stove. Or a microwave. Maybe a closet. But when you move in, you usually bring with you other items that take up valuable space, like a couch, night stands, or your collection of the entire series, to date, of The Simpsons dvds. And, unless you’re buying an $88 million apartment, space is usually at a premium.

"Hey girl. Don't worry about the lack of space. I like jumping from one piece of furniture to another and pretending the floor is lava, too." The finest moment in my career: Photoshopping Ryan Gosling.

Of course, there are always ways to make everything fit. If years of playing Tetris on our graphing calculators during AP Calculus or playing Dr. Mario for hours without dinner or bathroom breaks have taught us anything, it’s that items can always be turned and flipped until they fit. A desk can be shoehorned in between the couch and bookcase. A TV can be stacked, Yertle the Turtle-style, on top of the cable box, which is on top of the dresser, and only block a little bit of the mirror. Closets can be left permanently open, their doors pinned to the wall behind night stands.

But then renters have that awful knot in the pit of their stomachs when the doorbell rings: Company. What do you do when you plan a dinner party, or the in-laws drops by, or when Ryan Gosling knocks on your door after saving some woman from being hit by a cab and wants to know if you’d like to share the bottle of champagne he happens to have with him? It’s not like you can just push your stuff into a closet (and if cartoons have taught me anything, your guest will unwittingly open that closet when he’s trying to find the bathroom and be buried under an avalanche of your knickknacks).

Sure, most people say they won’t judge you (they’ll at least wait until they leave before they talk about you). But we also certainly judge ourselves, especially after being bombarded by perfect apartment images in interior design magazines and on Pinterest. We don’t want to feel like slobs or hoarders.

What’s a renter to do? Would you rather edit down your furniture and material goods and have an aesthetically pleasing apartment? Or would you rather live somewhere that might not look as nice, but fits every piece of furniture and all the decorations you’ve had since college and beyond?

Personally, in theory I’d love to have a beautiful, clean apartment, the type that real estate agents would use as a model home. In practice, well, I don’t want to get rid of my bookcases that hold books I don’t even read anymore because of my Nook. And the two or three sets of dishes were all wedding presents, so I can’t get rid of those, even though they’re all stacked on top of my cabinets because there’s no room in them. And just because I don’t use that rowing machine right now doesn’t mean I won’t one day join a sculling team and need to practice. As long as there’s a path to walk through my apartment, it’s fine, right?

What are some of your best space-saving tips for apartments? And is your apartment magazine photo shoot-ready, or are you a pack rat?

-Jessica Fiur, News Editor

No one goes in to apartment living expecting to be a bad neighbor—it just sort of happens. Seriously, it’s not like people, when they’re taken around by their brokers, say, “Nice size, great amenities, convenient location. It’s a perfect spot for me to act like a crazy person and annoy everyone around me.” (Unless they have some sort of scam going where they’re trying to scare away other renters so they can get the gold buried in their neighbors’ walls or something. But then I’d suggest cutting holes in a sheet, putting it on and pretending the building is haunted.)

But when you move in, as they say, life happens. It’s hard living in close quarters. After all, as Satre said, hell is other people (I should know. After dating a philosophy major in college and hearing stuff like that all the time, I starting wishing he would just go there).

D'oh!

Here are six things you might be doing that are secretly (or not so secretly) driving your neighbors to think very un-neighborly thoughts. And, of course, you have the right to do these things in your apartment. But your neighbors will also have the right to shoot you murderous glares over at the mailboxes if you do.

Playing music/watching TV that’s too loud. It’s the old standard for annoying your neighbors—blasting music so people below you can feel the bass, or keeping your TV at movie-theater decibels. And, yes, it’s hard to know what’s “too loud.” Here’s a good test: Is your music Justin Beiber? If yes, then it’s too loud. If you can only fall asleep with the TV on, then set it to a timer so the Golden Girls reruns aren’t annoying people at 4 a.m. (Although, that might be a bad example, because it’s impossible for anyone to be annoyed by Golden Girls reruns.)

Running on the treadmill. It’s great exercise, albeit a little boring (you’re working hard but not going anywhere. Like many a cubicle dweller). If you have a treadmill, make sure you put a rubber mat under it to absorb some of the sound.

Cooking smelly stuff. Look, if you were baking chocolate chip cookies every day, no one would complain, ever. It is the best smell on the planet. But, unfortunately, man cannot live on chocolate chip cookies alone (although who hasn’t at least tried?). So if you’re cooking curry, or fish, or something garlicky…Wait, I’m getting really hungry. What were we talking about? Oh yes. If you’re cooking stinky foods, just make sure to run a fan and keep the windows open to air the place out a bit.

Letting Rex bark all night. Yes, he’s a good dog. Yes, you want to cover his widdle face with kisses. But you have to do something if he is a barker. If training doesn’t work, maybe he isn’t meant for apartment living.

Mooching off your neighbor’s WiFi. No one wants to pay for WiFi. But just because your neighbor didn’t password protect his network doesn’t mean you should start using it. That slows down his network, and makes every single download take for…ev…er. (But, to that neighbor who didn’t password protect his WiFi: Seriously, dude, you’re sort of asking for it. Just set up a password.)

Banging on the ceiling/tattling to the landlord. So, you think just because you’re not noisy or stinky you’re the perfect neighbor? If you’re one of those renters who bang on your ceiling every time your upstairs neighbor is just walking around her apartment—during the day, no less—or if you run to the landlord after the TV was blasting once, then you’re part of the problem as well. Snitches get stitches, after all. All joking aside, of course if there’s a serious problem, go to the landlord. But if your upstairs neighbor’s mere existence is driving you nuts, well tough noogies. Maybe, like the aforementioned Rex, you’re not cut out for apartment living either.

What else could you be doing that could make you a bad neighbor—maybe without you even realizing?

-Jessica Fiur, News Editor

A man’s home is his castle, so they say. So a person’s apartment should be his…chateau? fortress? hollowed-out volcano lair? Whatever it is, people should feel comfortable in their apartments. After all, everyone has different wants and needs. So, maybe developers shouldn’t take a one-size-fits-all approach.

I recently came across an article in The New York Times called “A Building as Catalyst for Jewish Culture.” The article describes a new Manhattan condo development that caters to the Orthodox Jewish community that historically lived in the area. It caters to this community, quite literally, by offering a 24-hour kosher food service, as well as a pool with “single-sex swimming hours” (as well as amazingly awesome alliteration).

And never the twain shall meet.

Of course, because of New York State’s fair housing law, the owners can’t prohibit or discourage people of other religions from living in the building. But it clearly appeals to people who live that lifestyle. (Although I would also want to live there so I could stand by the kosher kitchen every day and say, “Strange things are afoot at the Circle K,” but that’s just because I have such respect for the great bard Keanu Reeves.)

This could be an interesting concept for apartments. After all, some college dorms do it already, having specific floors for specific majors, or having “dry” (ahem, yeah right, ahem) floors. Maybe it would appeal to certain renters to have facilities that catered to their religious or cultural needs.

On the other hand, it could be a bit of a slippery slope. What if one apartment building popped up that appealed to cat lovers, featuring walls that doubled as scratching posts and kitty litter welcome mats, and then another across the street appealed to dog lovers, with dog whistle doorbells and kitchens that give doggie bags, but there’s no special facilities for people who raise tarantulas (might I suggest the moon?). Pretty soon, everyone is segregated.

What do you think about having features in an apartment building that appeal to certain groups or cultures? A good way to attract renters, or a good way to offend them?

-Jessica Fiur, News Editor

Photo credit: Elena Elisseeva

New York is currently under the grips of a fever, the likes of which no amount of cowbell can cure: lotto fever. The jackpot this week is $540 million. American dollars. For those of you counting, that’s more than half a billion. (Although, don’t even bother buying a ticket for tonight’s drawing, because I already have the winning one.)

What would you do if you had that amount of money? I know, for starters, I’d make like Kermit and take Manhattan—buy a penthouse suite somewhere. Hell, I might even buy a whole building. Why not, right?

Anyway, if money was no object, what sort of amenities would you look for in an apartment? (For when you are visiting a glamorous city, in between stays at your beach house on a private tropical island and your Italian villa that happens to be next door to George Clooney’s.)

Here is a list of what I would want in a dream apartment.

Tons of space. Obviously. I would need lots of rooms, like one solely for swimming around in my money like Scrooge McDuck. Also have several rooms en suite for guests. Maybe have one of those apartments that take up an entire floor and the elevator opens directly in it. Walking through hallways is for plebeians.

A pre-war building. New buildings, while nice, just lack that certain charm. But, that said…

Brand new everything. New appliances, new furniture, new everything. And it all would be top of the line. Because I wouldn’t want to be embarrassed when I had guests over for monocle parties, champagne chugging contests, pin the tail on the Picasso, or whatever rich people do.

In-unit laundry. Yes, even rich people have dirty laundry. Actually, if you read the tabloids, it seems like rich people are always airing their dirty laundry. (Also would hire a drummer to follow me around and play rim shots.)

Fireplace. I don’t have a joke for this. I just think they’re cool. Plus, s’mores happen to be the absolute best thing on the planet.

Indoor pool. Maybe not in my actual apartment, because I think those automatic vacuum things are creepy. But definitely one in the building.

Private roof space or patio. With room for a garden, and for lounging out in the sun.

Concierge. After all, someone would need to let in the pizza delivery man. And I would eat my pizza in my brand new gourmet chef’s kitchen, of course.

State-of-the-art gym in the building. With a personal trainer. And a smoothie bar. Actually, no need to stay in shape when you’re rich. Just the smoothie bar.

Parking garage. With multiple spaces, just so I could say, “Jeeves, I think I’ll take the Jag today. The Porsche is out being detailed.” (Because, of course, there’d be a butler named Jeeves.)

Batcave. Again, obviously.

What would you want in an apartment if you won the lottery?

-Jessica Fiur, News Editor

Photo credit: Andresr

There has been quite a hubbub lately revolving around news stories reporting that employers are demanding Facebook logins and passwords of prospective employees. It’s not clear whether these reporters are just poking the bear to get more clicks on their stories (speaking of which, free puppy to anyone who clicks on this blog) or if it’s actually a thing. Which, of course, got me thinking about the apartment industry.

Ignoring the fact that it’s probably illegal to ask this information of prospective residents, if you could, would you?

On the one hand, you want to make an informed decision about the people who will be living in your buildings. Wouldn’t you want to know if they were drug dealers or thieves or if they liked Nickelback or something? It would be great to keep these “undesirables” out of an apartment building before they move in and become a liability.

Plus, is the expectation of privacy really an issue here? If someone posts something on the world wide web, then anyone who is on the Internet can find it (the emphasis is on “world wide”).

On the other hand, though, how much about a resident do you really need, or want, to know? As long as their rent comes in on time, what more could you want? If they leave the place a mess when the move out, well, that’s why security deposits were invented, am I right?

And, really, what could you learn about a resident by having his login and password? Couldn’t you just look at the profile anyway? If not for being able to stalk people without their knowledge, then how would any of us know what our high school boyfriends are doing now? If the profile is set to private, well then there’s this little thing you could try called “Googling.”

Anyway, if you were legally allowed to ask for personal login information for social media sites from prospective residents, would you want it? And what would you look for?

-Jessica Fiur, News Editor

Sometimes trends take hold of an industry, and it seems like everyone gets on the bandwagon. (Except for “fetch.” Stop trying to make “fetch” happen. It’s not going to happen!) Same goes, of course, for apartments. I recently read an interesting blog on RentCafe called “Changing Trends in Apartment Living.” The blog listed some projected trends in the apartment industry, such as apartments going green and being near transportation, units getting smaller and communities offering free wireless.

That’s all well and good, and those changes are sure to benefit both developers and renters. But it certainly doesn’t include everything on my apartment wish list.

Here’s a list of things I hope will start to trend in the apartment industry.

Walls (and ceilings, and floors) with more insulation. It would definitely help keep down heating costs. But really, one of the worst things about living in an apartment is hearing your neighbors at all hours—their TVs, their music, their screaming babies… Wouldn’t it be nice if an apartment was like your own fortress of solitude? Where you couldn’t hear anything from your neighbors, and at the same time you could blast your ska punk, do your Jillian Michaels’ workout dvd and watch back-to-back episodes of Millionaire Matchmaker without your neighbors hearing (and judging) you?

You know you're getting old when this is on your wish list.

In-unit laundry. I only like using my old lady shopping cart for lugging groceries, thankyouverymuch.

Half baths in addition to full bathrooms. In apartment living, just as it’s inevitable that the Chinese food delivery man will knock on the door right as you step into the bathroom, when you’re living with a roommate it’s inevitable that just as your roommate steps into the shower…you’ll have to go to the bathroom. This is probably just a pipe dream, but wouldn’t it be wonderful if apartments came with a “master bathroom” and a half bath? Then there would never be an issue of someone hogging the bathroom. Plus, you could use the half bath as your “company” bathroom and keep all your fancy soaps and fluffy hand towels in there, and your messy full bathroom could be kept away from prying eyes.

Package delivery rooms. Sure, if you’re lucky enough to have a doorman, you probably already have this covered. But if you don’t, then when the the delivery guy comes, he will leave a note, and then another note. And then you have to schlep all the way to the shipping center to pick something up that at this point you don’t even want or care about anymore. Sure, you can have things delivered to the office, but probably not all the time. It would be great to have a “delivery” room in an apartment building, where packages, dry cleaning, etc. could be dropped off for residents. Ideally, for safety reasons it would not have access to the main building (more like one of those creepy storage units, I guess).

Online rent payment. Companies are starting to turn towards this, but it’s definitely not widespread yet. Currently, my landlord slips our rent bill under my door every month, which is very easy to miss, or step on and walk around with it at the bottom of your shoe for awhile. And then there’s the whole ordeal about writing out the check. I know, I know, it only takes about 30 seconds to write one. But first you have to refer back to the bill to get the spelling of the managing company, for the millionth time. Then you have to remember the correct spelling of the numbers (“seventy” always looks wrong). Then what do you put in the memo section? Apartment B? May’s rent? Congratulations on becoming a Bar Mitzvah? Just…ah…my head hurts. Online payment should at least be an option (although don’t get rid of the old way entirely, because there are still some people who don’t use a computer or just want to show off their puppy or NY Yankees checks). It’s easier and it’s more convenient. After all, the future is here (despite the distinct lack of hoverboards Back to the Future 2 promised us).

Waterslides. And if that’s not possible, there should at least be a community Crocodile Mile. A girl can dream, can’t she?

What do you hope will start to trend in the apartment industry?

-Jessica Fiur, News Editor

Photo credit: LuckyPhoto

I recently came across a press release where Prudential Preferred Realty introduced a new feature on their website that helps match prospective buyers with compatible Prudential agents, similar to how a dating service works (check it out here).

Interesting concept. And why not? After all, finding a house or even an apartment to rent is very similar to dating in that both experiences can be very rewarding. Or terrible.

5 Ways Finding a New Apartment is Like Dating 

Did she find the perfect date, or the perfect apartment?

You only get one first impression. Which is why on first dates people get all gussied up, and apartments are cleaned up and staged with furniture. It just takes one dirty t-shirt—either on a person or on the floor—to turn people off permanently.

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. Sure, for homes brokers sometimes bake cookies to get the best-smell-in-the-world/like-mom’s-house-feel out there. Just like first dates when you go out to dinner—if you’ve already talked to the person already. Food is sort of a commitment—that you’ll stay around for at least an hour in each other’s company. But if you’re trying to gauge your reaction—maybe you’re not so sure if you like the person or apartment—a cocktail will do the trick. A vodka for the date, or a glass of champagne at the open house, and suddenly things are looking a lot more attractive.

Pictures are worth 1,000 words (unless they’re a lie). When I look for a new apartment online, I’ll only browse entries that show photos—interiors, exteriors, all that. Same rule applied for online dating (though I wouldn’t need X-rays or anything. But certain photos were an automatic “no,” such as if the person was shirtless in a non-beach setting or something). Photos make it easier to narrow down the prospects, so you can see if you have an automatic “No!” or “Definitely!” reaction. Unfortunately, in real estate and in dating, sometimes the photos are misleading. Maybe it’s a picture of the holy grail of NYC real estate—a two-bedroom apartment in The Village with a doorman, in-unit laundry and a terrace—that doesn’t really exist. On dating websites, it could be a picture of someone that is from five years ago and doesn’t account for the new hair plugs. Note to real estate brokers and people on dating sites: Be truthful in your pictures. It will save everyone a lot of heartache.

The grass is always greener. Ever date someone a long time, and it’s fine, but now, all of a sudden, people are hitting on you? You start to think, “Maybe I should break up with this person and see what’s out there.” Same with apartments. For example, my husband and I live in a perfectly nice place out in Queens. It’s not that small, it’s convenient enough, it’s…well, it’s just not Manhattan. So we started looking at apartments on the Upper West Side, the Upper East Side and the very-hip-right-now Financial District. And the apartments were smaller. And they were far from the subway. And they were, of course, much more expensive. Is it worth it to dump our “nice guy” equivalent of an apartment for the “dreamy rebel who no one can tame except us” place in the city? No, of course not. Although, there’s no harm in looking. (We’re only human, right?)

When you find the right one, you want to skip a night out on the town and just cuddle up on the couch. When a night in is suddenly more appealing than a crazy night out, you know you’ve found the right person or apartment.

-Jessica Fiur, News Editor

Photo credit: badahos

Though you might love your renters—they do pay their rents on time, after all—at some point, they’re likely to leave you. It’s the nature of the beast, and to every season, turn, turn, turn. All that. And sometimes, whether intentionally or not, your former residents leave items behind. When I moved out of my last apartment, I think I accidently left my pile of take-out menus that I meant to throw out and a never-opened bottle of mudslide mix. If you found it, sláinte, former landlord!

Of course, what residents leave behind is often not as glamorous. It’s never a mink stole, diamond-encrusted goblet, or the map to find Curly’s gold. (And if it is, or even something not as valuable, I’m not sure if landlords have to keep it for a certain amount of time in case the renters come back looking for it. If you know for sure, let me know in the comment section.)

I came up with a list of the five worst things I could imagine finding in an apartment once a renter leaves.

The 5 Worst Things a Landlord Can Find When a Renter Moves Out

But who would leave this guy behind?

A Pet—If poor Lord or Lady Fluffington is left behind after a move, definitely try to feed him (who knows how long the poor thing’s been locked up in there by itself!) and call a local animal organization to take care of him if you don’t want to/can’t take care of him yourself.

Dead Body—Oy. What are you waiting for? Call the police!

Mountains and Mountains of Garbage—If your renter was a legitimate hoarder, don’t even attempt to clean it up yourself—you don’t know if the piles are sturdy or if there’s anything in there that you can scrape yourself on (or if anything is scurrying around in there). Call in a professional cleaning service to handle the literal dirty work.

Meth LabIt’s entertaining to watch Breaking Bad, but maybe not as entertaining in real life. Unfortunately, this happens more than you’d expect. Notify the police right away. It probably couldn’t hurt to consult a lawyer as well.

Little TimmyMaybe he was in the bathroom when the movers came, or overslept ala Kevin in Home Alone. Hopefully you have your former renters’ new address or phone number so you can get him back where he belongs. (Unless it’s a Ransom of Red Chief situation. Then you’re pretty much stuck with him.)

Have you ever found anything left behind in an apartment?

-Jessica Fiur, News Editor

Photo credit: WilleeCole

Who could resist a little puppy or kitten? I can, for one. I’m not an animal person. (Although growing up I did have a couple of gerbils named Nancy Drew and Nancy Drew II, and a tamagotchi. The ’90s were a scary, awesome time.) And, apparently, so can a lot of property managers, who designate some buildings to be pet-free.

Fair enough. Pets can bark or meow or chirp, which could be very disturbing to the other residents in the building. Plus their little paws or claws can scratch up a floor.

But on the other hand, some people consider their pets their babies, even calling them “fur babies” (although that term sort of creeps me out and makes me think of a little Fraggle Rock guy in a diaper or something). And some developers definitely have these people in mind. New amenities in some luxury buildings sometimes include pet-friendly outdoor areas, grooming salons and even doggy daycare centers. Obviously there is a market for it.

As a property manager, do you allow animals in your building, and why? If so, would you consider any pet amenities? And if you’re a renter without pets, would you mind living in a building that allows them (and vice versa, if you have pets, would you ever consider giving your pet to a trusted friend or family member so you could live in a killer apartment that didn’t allow them)?

-Jessica Fiur, News Editor 

 

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